Prudes at Hooters

You are never the real reason why I'm angry
Even though I tend to raise my voice
Lowering my voice doesn't remove the bitterness
Lowering your eyes never makes me feel better

Later though, you say something stupid
Always makes me giggle, a little
Unique musings we have in common
Getting us to remember why we're friends
How easy that is to forget, sometimes

Simply put, though we've had ups and downs
Maybe a few times we weren't the other's favorite
I love you dearly, my friend of friends
Like a sister you will always be
Ever yours, me

June 21, 2009

Today is supposed to be yours
Dear Dad,
Thanks for supplying the sperm
Taking me to the movies
The presents
And all that stuff

This is Fathers' Day
So, Dear Stepfather,
Thanks for taking care of me
Baseball games
Fun arguments
And all that stuff

I love both of these men
As much as they get on my nerves
But the people who've helped me
The most about 'men'
I never called the label 'Dad'
They were: Friend, Teacher, Lover

So, as much as Hallmark
Or whatever card company
Would like me to thank my Dad today
I'll take this time instead
To say thank you to all the guys
Who did so much more

All I could Think was Daffodils

The cool breeze of a late spring night
Journeys yet not explored
I flew to find the answer
To a question I did not know
You held my hand
As you often do
Lights flicker
Some connections made
Others lost
And in the end
My vision was blurry
And you warned me to be safe

What maybe you didn't know
That flight was the first one like it
I felt so free
And in control
A part of me not well explored
Exploded at the chance to be noticed
Though I went no where
I could explore the world
As the night drew to a close
I wrapped myself in a blanket
Stopped the flickering lights
And couldn't wait to do it again

Red Marlboros and Ceiling Fans

The sound of the traffic going by
Used to keep me up at night
Now I find I can't sleep without it.
And as much as it makes my eyes water
Part of me doesn't hate the cigarette smoke anymore.
This is the place I call home now.
This is the place I stay.

This room is so big and blue;
I'm almost drowning in the space.
All around are memories.
But they just seem out of place.
There are hardly any clothes on the floor.
This is the place I used to call home.
This is the place I visit.

Both places keep me safe.
Both places keep me warm.
It's just one doesn't feel so right,
And the other, I spend my nights
Dreaming, playing, laughing, thinking,
Crying, dying, smiling, singing.
And to me - that is home.

Empty Little Spots

There's a pit in my stomach I know not how to fill,
And a hole in my mind begging to be gone,
A gap in my heart bleeding for attention,
And a broken piece of my soul:
Such things I have accepted as part of me,
These things I have explored,
I've tried to fix them in my own way,
But failed at every turn.
There have been times I thought these things fixed -
Times I've felt complete -
These times, I find, end too soon
And leave me truly weak.
Despite it all, I do push through -
Such life is meant to live,
Though I turn away, they're here to stay,
These empty little spots;
These empty little spots I fill
With things that I hold dear;
Times with friends do make amends
And make them disappear.
It's times like these that I find things more to me,
Which make the holes seem less and less
To my person - full and complete.
My stomach grows full with the fun,
My mind explores the new,
My friends' smiles make my heart grow,
And laughing mends my broken soul, and yet
With all that my friends may do
At the end of the day I have to say
There's something missing dear to me.
When I find those final bits -
When, I say, not if -
That's when I may go to bed without thinking
That silly little question "What if?"

Laugh and Think

The ink flows freely from then pen onto the paper
It's amazing how simple it is to write:
Make letters, words, sentences
None of which make sense though
Without some thought.
Run monkey basket Zimbabwe
Lacks structure and order to considered communication

It's amusing that thoughts
Which come so freely
Are needed to be put into terms
So that others may understand them
Or even so the thinker can understand them
For when thinking to yourself
Are you not thinking in the language you best understand?

The thoughts I like best though
Are the ones that can't be put into words -
Whether your brain refuses to find the words
or you're laughing too hard
or you know such things can't really be put into words -
Because those thoughts teach you something
Every time.

Regressing Science

My thoughts are irrational-
Like pi or e or radical two.
None have a common denominator,
Cannot be reduced,
But go on forever.

It is like a natural phenomenon-
Such as a black hole or gravity.
Neither can be explained
Or remade.
They are not going away.

There is an attraction,
Similar to two ions of different charges...
Sodium and chlorine perhaps,
Coming together
And making table salt.

The laws of attraction speak of things:
Pheromones for scents,
Pupils for sights.
Even without these
I knew there was something.

These thoughts apparently mean
My brain has a chemical imbalance.
Such that dictates my strange mood:
Too much happiness.
I must be brought back to reality.

Why must I return there?
Mulling through people who
Expect me to fit in their stereotypes.
I refuse normality!
And would live in my fairytale forever.

New or Old, Heart or Home

My thoughts are constantly wandering
And now I found one slowly walking
Down the road I thought was blocked
I refused to believe that I could break the chains
There I was safe
But also stunted and imprisoned
Now that I have hopped the fence
I finally see another path
Though where it leads is blocked
I wonder where it goes
If the grass is green or is it
Just the past looking back at me
Can I walk away so plainly?
Let go of it so quickly?
My heart is torn as always
Will I ever know what I want?
I can’t stay away forever
But will I ever be able to come home?
Do I even want to go home?
Do I even know where home is?

Here or Gone

If I told you I had died
Three years ago
Would you laugh and tell me not to cry
Or hold me and never let go

If I told you I had died
Two years ago
Would you say I shouldn't be so stupid
Or ask then how am I here

If I told you I had died
One year ago
Would you ask someone what happened
Or show me that picture of us

If I told you I had died
Today
Would you roll your eyes
Or hold my hand

Rain, Rain

Rain rain go away
Come again some other day
I haven't the time to deal with you now
My eyes need to dry by themselves somehow
Patch up the hole in my heart
Resume moving, get a new start
Stop listening to my emo songs
Lean on my friends and just get along
These things I know are hard to do
Trust me this, I've been through a few
One, I was young
The second one stung
Three was a breeze
Fourth had no ease
I just wish that one day
The hurt would go away
If it would, I'd let the rain stay
Let the rain stay

You're Gone

If I had one moment
Just one second
To say how I felt
About you
Everything
About you
There would be peace my world
For one moment
And that one moment
Would stay for a life time
And make me feel better
Whenever I saw you
But I can't
No time to tell
You're away from me
I have to except that
You're gone
I'll never get you back
I'll never talk to you the same
And you'll never talk to me the same
No more giggles
Tears
Hugs
Dreams
They're all gone
But you're still there
Taunting me with your presence
Making me think
What if
What if.

Boobs, Such Silly Little Things

Boobs
Such silly things
For the longest time they were
Just blobs hanging off the front of me
But I'd always been sort of shy
And I was taught to be demure
Though a bet was made
A challenge really
I was okay with you winning
Kind of wanted to see your reaction
I hadn't expected it to be so soon
Or happen the way it did
But I'm glad it did
You saw me in my full frontal glory
And approved
Boobs
Such silly things
But one could say the same about hugs
And you are good at those

Batman Cape

So while I don my batman cape
And you call me Harley
Please note that
No matter how weird the jokes get
I have a feeling
You'd freeze Gotham for me

When we sing together
Maybe slightly off key
I feel like for those moments
Everything is right
So keep in mind that
"You're crazy
and I'm crazy about you"